Getting along involves multiple aspects human nature. The requirements for getting along include a little of each of these - good communication, working together, and problem solving skills. And most importantly, a good sense of humor.

Good Communication

As managers and board members you know how critical communication is to accomplishing your objectives. This concern is nothing new to anyone in this field. There has been a drive in the industry to impress upon everyone that there is a big difference between Property Managers and Community Managers. We in the industry are moving toward the term Community Managers, as it more clearly reflects the position that it is the Community that we manage as opposed to the property. Board members alike manage the Community which includes the people and often takes more time than managing the physical property. When CEO’s, Presidents and other leaders get together a topic of large concern is the people side of the equation. The physical property and bottom line are important, but are often easier to manage.

Getting along is not as easy as it should be. There are whole industries, seminars, classes, experts, and many books about the subject. It creeps into our daily lives on a personal and professional level. Everyday we misunderstand someone or someone misunderstands us. Part of the reason for this is that we just don’t think about communication. It usually occurs without any preparation. Since we learned it at a very young age instinctually, we just do it. Statistics from Purdue University Department of Organizational Leadership and Supervision indicate that we only remember:

• 10 percent of what we read
• 20 percent of what we hear
• 30 percent of what we see
• 50 percent of what we see and hear
• 80 percent of what we say
• 90 percent of what we say and do

These numbers indicate how little we retain from our daily lives. The daily lives of many people move so fast that there is little time for reflection or forethought. Technology has catapulted us into a world where silence truly is golden and almost extinct. Where our expectations of instantaneous responses via phone or email set us up for not thinking about what we are communicating and for not listening to what others are communicating to us. So technology helps us get answers faster and communicate more often, but what happens to the quality of the communication?

A lack of quality in communication results in misunderstandings and damages relationships. Think about your best relationships and notice how well you communicate with the people in those relationships. Communities are all about relationships, as you all know. The business of running your Communities is about good communication. In order for things to hum along with fewer bumps good communication is necessary. It needs to be honest, open, respectful and sincere. The content rarely matters as much as the manner in which it is delivered. Communication requires a sender and a receiver. The context and frame of reference on the senders’ side and the receivers’ side affect what message will be conveyed. The saying “it’s not what you say but how you say it” stands true in communication.

The message that we think we deliver may not have been received. The ways in which this happens have to do with how the deliverer is feeling at the moment. The tone, pitch and volume of the voice of the deliverer affect what message is received. Facial expressions and body movements are interpreted by the receiver and affect the interpretation of any and all messages. The time and place (context) of the communication affect whether or no the message you sent is the one that is received. The receiver’s current state of mind and body affect what will be received. Conversational styles and background affect daily communication. Taking all this into consideration requires thought and effort.

Once these things are considered one realizes that; adjusting how you say the same thing to different groups, will only result in better success in communicating. Your relationship with them will also affect how you deliver the message. It is never the message we deliver, its how we deliver the messages, the sort of relationship we have to the receiver, and who we are that matters. We need to deliver the same message in different ways according to our audience.

Working Together

The industry we work in is relatively small and close knit. The six degrees of separation and/or most often, less than six degrees of separation, apply here. We all have the same problems and can help each other through them, but still remain friendly competitors. As mentioned earlier honesty, openness respectfulness and sincerity when dealing with each other will result in good communication and better business relationships. How we treat others will result in how they treat us. The saying what goes around comes around definitely applies in this industry where we never know when an association will decide to change vendors. The thing to remember is that there will be another association around the corner to take its place.

Linguistics determines others physical and emotional responses. It is very important how we frame a comment or question as this often determines the response we will receive. Always try to use good words and star away from bad words.

Good Words

Problem Solving Skills

What do managers and board members do every day? Solve problems. This makes managers very busy people. Managers tend to juggle many tasks at the same time out of necessity. Community volunteers are the same way in that those of you who volunteer for this task typically volunteer on more than one board or committee. The saying that 80% of the work is completed by 20% of the people applies in Community work. Nobody works in a bubble by themselves. This causes everyone to need to become self-aware. How we fit into the picture affects how we should communicate to each group. Everyone is different with different needs; being aware of that will greatly improve our chances for success.

Your needs are important in considering getting along. Not being able to control how you communicate will result in a potential lack of communication. Miscommunication may result in not getting along. Everyone needs balance. Balance in your life will result in a balanced approach to resolution. Problem solving from a level head will result in a more rational perspective.

Consider the impact of your approach. Are you sending a message that will be received the way you want to attain your desired result? It is not an unknown fact that the number one fear is public speaking. This is likely due to our lack of successful experiences in communicating one-on-one. Focusing on the message and how you communicate with self awareness and self control will bring you the successes you desire.

Some other resources regarding Getting Along

Dealing with People you Can’t Stand – by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner

That’s not What I Meant by Deborah Tannen, PH. D.

How to Disagree without Being Disagreeable by Suzette Haden Elgin, PH. D.